Throwing in the Ed
by Legacy of the Phoenix
Summary: After an endless onslaught from the Kankers, the Eds seemingly decide to give in to them. Seemingly... Ed Edd n Eddy created by Danny Antonucci.


**A few weeks ago...**

" **WOOAAOH!" Eddy frantically runs through his sliding door.**

" **Wait for me, Eddy!" Edd follows suit.**

" **I don't want girl germs, Eddy!" Ed falls down halfway into the doorway.**

" **Get in here, stupid!" Eddy pulls Ed in by his eyebrow and slams the door shut.**

 **Eddy and Edd proceed to hammer and nail every door shut; the sliding door, Eddy's bedroom door, even his _Closet of Dreams_ door. To take extra measures, they barricade the sliding door with nearly everything in Eddy's room.**

" **Two serving Tow!" Ed smacks Eddy's bed towards Edd and Eddy!**

" **Dagh!" The two Eds leap in separate directions to avoid getting hit by the bed, which crashes against the barricaded sliding door.**

" **Easy, Ed!" Edd warns. "Our attempts at fleeing to safety would be in vain if we were to come under harm in the very place that we are taking refuge in."**

" **I already have an arm, Double D!" Ed clearly misheard.**

" **Quiet!" Eddy shushes his friends. He looks out of his window to see if they are all truly safe. He sees nothing outside. Still looking out the window, he triumphantly declares, "Safe and sound, boys! While we're waitin' the day out, let's think up another sca-"**

" **Uh, Eddy?!" Edd interrupts with a shaky tone.**

" **Double D, if this is about your stupid screen-door again, I swear…" Eddy turns around to find, to his horror, that the Kankers have somehow gotten into his room and gotten ahold of Ed and Edd!**

" **How many times did you guys break that, anyway?" Lee smiles as she glances at Eddy!**

" **AGGGH!" Eddy, overcome with fear, musters the strength to pick up his bed and throw it at the Kankers, who easily dodge out of the way even if they had to drop Ed and Edd. The latter two make a run for Eddy.**

" **Window washing!" Ed uses his entire body to break through Eddy's glass window as a means of allowing escape for himself and his friends.**

" **Runaway!" Eddy, Ed, and Edd make a run for it, but…**

" **Fly-fishing!" The Kankers, from inside Eddy's room, use fishing rods to grab their respective desired Ed by their shirts just as they tried to leap over the fence!**

" **I'm allergic to fly fish!" Ed is reeled back into Eddy's house by May!**

" **Not good!" Edd is reeled back into Eddy's house by Marie!**

" **Mommy!" Eddy is yanked back into his house by Lee!**

 **Eddy's house bounces around hysterically as the three boys are forcibly stricken with Kanker kisses…again!**

* * *

 **The following week, the Eds have a successful scam going in the form of selling Ed's chair turkeys to Rolf. He fills up their money jar when suddenly,**

" **Hiya, boys!" Lee pulls the jar over to her and her sisters with a fishing rod.**

" **Eee!" Rolf frantically grabs his farm animals and runs to his home's cellar as he did in _Run for your Ed_.**

" **Give that back!" Eddy barks in anger.**

" **Not until you treat us to dinner!" Marie taunts.**

" **Deal!" Eddy seemingly agrees, surprising both Ed and Edd. "How do ya feel about…TURKEY?!"**

 **Eddy throws the sack of chair turkeys right at the off-guard Kankers, who fall and accidentally throw the jar back towards the Eds.**

" **Run, boys!" Eddy shouts at the same time Ed says, "Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!"**

" **Brilliant, Eddy!" Edd follows his friends in running fairly fast and off of Rolf's farm.**

 **The Eds arrive at the Candy Store, Eddy holding up the jar in drooling excitement. The jar is taken.**

" **Easy pickens!" The Eds turn to grab some jawbreakers.**

" **No! Easy Kissins!" The Kankers appear behind the Eds and reveal they have the jar of money…again! They pucker up with zany red lips!**

" **KANKERS!" The Eds attempt to flee but are tackled into the jawbreakers and mercilessly Kanker-kissed…again!**

* * *

 **Later that same week, Ed and Eddy are merely hanging out in Edd's backyard sitting at the picnic table waiting for Edd to join them.**

" **Man, what's takin' him?" Eddy impatiently wonders.**

" **Ed will scan for signs of life, Eddy!" Ed gets up and heads inside Edd's home.**

 **In the kitchen, he finds Edd unconscious on the floor with kiss marks all over his face!**

" **Kank-!" The hysterical Ed's mouth is covered by the zany-lipped May, who pulls him down to the floor and kisses him relentlessly!**

" **Mrrrgh!" Eddy groans annoyed and looks for the both of his friends when,**

" **Hi, honey! I'm home!" Lee yanks Eddy up from behind by his three hairs and pulls him outside. The sound of her kissing him as he is screaming is all that can be heard.**

* * *

The Eds hide within the retro van, contemplating how to handle the growing Kanker threat.

"Darn Antonucci!" Eddy barks. "If he didn't write me as bein' scared during that reverse psycho whatever episode, we wouldn't still be dealin' with those stupid sisters!"

"We can't change the past, Eddy." Edd points out. "Only look forward to the future. In this case, a future without our female foes."

"And how the heck are we supposed to do that?!" Eddy folds his arms bitterly.

"By going back to the beginning." Edd points upwards. "Our issue with the sisters began when they first moved here. They treated us with hospitality and decency and yet we repaid them with rudeness and sloth."

"My bed's got a sloth!" Ed randomly speaks up.

"What're you sayin', Sockhead?" Eddy asks in disbelief, "Be nice to the Kankers? Like tryin' to be nice to Kevin so we could get his jawbreakers? And then what? They leave us alone?"

"It's worth a try." Edd shrugs, "Either that or return to consistent attacks of unrelenting amorousness."

"Fine!" Eddy folds his arms reluctantly.

* * *

The following day, Eddy and Ed follow through with Edd's plan at the latter's home. In similar fashion with when they first met, the boys treat the Kankers to television and powered milk in the living room. But instead of making burgers, they instead make omelets. Well, Eddy and Edd make omelets. Ed merely stays out of the way with a cookbook…that he is reading upside down.

"Be sure it isn't too hot, Eddy." Edd warns.

"Why?" Eddy shrugs, "If this fouls up, we can at least count on their lips being too burnt for smoochin'!"

The two Eds take the three omelets out to the sisters; Eddy stretches his arm and yanks Ed to have him follow.

Ed, Edd, and Eddy, "Brunch is ready!"

The Kankers are charmed by the smell of the omelets. They float towards them, grab them, float back to the couch, and chow down on them despite the fact that they are still very hot!

"You were saying, Eddy?" Edd grins with a smug tone.

"Shut up!" Eddy mumbles with a false smile.

"Freshen up!" Ed picks up Edd and Eddy and leads them upstairs.

The Kankers continue to pig out on their omelets. May pulls a bone out of her mouth and continues eating the omelet.

Before too long, the Eds come back down wearing spiffy suits. The impressed Kankers, having finished their omelets, burp loudly and rush to their respective Eds.

"Hubba-hubba!" Lee toys with Eddy's tie.

"You can say that again!" Eddy touches Lee's face.

"You clean-up nice, Double D!" Marie massages Edd's shoulder.

"Why thank you very much, Marie!" Edd responds with false appreciation.

"You can take me to dinner anytime, honey!" May snorts.

"And Ed can eat dinner at any time, bunny!" Ed laughs.

"Too bad we don't have any respect for you, anymore!" Lee states.

"Huh?" Ed and Eddy remark confused.

"Yeah." Marie explains, "We liked that you guys always said no to us and tried to play hard to get. That's been our whole thing. But then, you caved! You gave up! Got soft! You're not the men we loved. Not anymore."

"Sorry, boys!" May adds. "But you _do_ look good."

The Kankers give very small, very normal pecks on their respective Eds' cheeks before they say good-bye and leave Edd's house. Ed and Eddy remain flabbergasted, but Edd merely maintains a knowing smile.

"Well, that's rare." Edd remarks. "A strategy falling through piece by piece."

"You-You-" Eddy replies in disbelief, "You _knew_ this would happen! You _knew_ they'd dump us!"

"As they explained themselves, the Kankers greatly enjoy their challenges with us. By surrendering without a fight and extending an olive branch, or _omelet brunch,_ we've stripped away their very reason for pursuing us." Edd elaborates.

"Sometimes the greatest victory of a battle is a battle not fought." Ed randomly adds; surprising both Eddy and Edd.

"What a weird day. I need a nap." Eddy walks away from his friends.

* * *

Having redone their deal with Rolf and Ed's chair turkeys, the Eds now stand outside of the Candy Store sucking on jawbreakers.

Eddy remarks with respective on-cue flashbacks to _**Revenge is a dish best served Ed, The DepartED,**_ and the Kankers' previous rejection of them, "We faced em all and beat em all, boys! Sarah! Kevin! The Kankers! It's sweet not gettin' the raw end of the stick for once."

"What adventures do you suppose await us in the future?" Edd wonders.

"Don't know. Don't care." Eddy shrugs. "Workin' for this Phoenix guy's a dream job if I ain't never knew one!"

"A shame he didn't make an effort to improve your grammar." Edd points out.

"Like the cracker?" Ed butts in.

"No, Ed. _Grammar._ Not _Graham_." Edd corrects.

The three boys look down the street when they hear distant screaming becoming near. The screaming comes from a horrified Kevin, Rolf, and Jonny, who all have kiss marks on their respective faces! Right behind them are the Kanker Sisters, who simply yell,

"Come back, dumplings!"

The Eds look to each other for a moment and laugh heartily.


End file.
